Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
