Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
