Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
