the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
