i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
