A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize