I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
