Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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