i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
