FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
