Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
