so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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