I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
