The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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