Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
