It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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