My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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