I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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