My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm too high and old for this...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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