ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
