The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize