3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
