I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
