just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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