Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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