She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
