I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
