I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize