Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
