She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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