do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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