I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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