i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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