Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
