Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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