I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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