Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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