I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
