id be glad to
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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