I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
