I just pynch a tree in the face
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
