wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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