Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
