you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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