ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
