you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
