Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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