I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
