if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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