You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
