Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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