He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
