What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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