apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
