Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
