Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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