we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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