honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
