Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
