I'm really into asian looking animals
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
