p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
