I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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